Nearly a week ago, something absolutely ridiculous happened to me.  It was then I realized that I need to start a blog...to share the absurdities and shenanigans that occur (or have occurred) throughout my life.  So, this blog is dedicated to stories....some amazing, some terrible, some fresh, some old.  I will probably also use this for other updates--i.e. my trip to Ethiopia in July!  As well as the occasional platform for some of my strong opinions and beliefs.

So I will begin with the event that started it all....Mother's Day 2012.

First, a little back story.
Earlier this winter, (January or February) I was pulled over by campus security for rolling through a stop sign and after seeing the contents of my backseat, he suspected I was a homeless person living out of my car.  So for the remainder of the semester, and still to this day, I have endured endless jokes about being a homeless person and living out of my car (it's ok though...I think it's hilarious.)

On the morning of Mother's Day (a week ago from today,) my mother and brother noticed a random guy rummaging through the backseat of my car, which was parked along the street.  My brother went out to talk to the guy (who was clearly still drunk from the night before)--the conversation went as follows:
"Uh, hey man, what are you doing?"
"Is this--is this your car?"
"No...it's my sister's...."
"Oh well, I, uh, I think I slept in this car last night....but I woke up in the grass?  And now I don't know where I am!"

The conversation was then cut off by my mother running into the front yard.  When the guy saw her coming, he showed her his pockets and said, "I have nothing!!"  She then told him to go away and he wandered off down the street.

I missed all of this because I was in the shower.

My brother then started looking my car to see if he could find what the guy was looking for...and his found his cell phone, which was a really nice Android.  He brought it inside and my mom told him to just leave on the counter and deal with it when we got back from church.

So we went to church, and laughed about the situation the entire way there.  Afterward, we went out for lunch and got home at around 1:30.  We then remembered we still had this phone and decided the best thing to do was to return the phone.  So I took it and after leaving a pretty nasty facebook status, I texted the guy's 20 most recent contacts (including "Guy Starting Shit.")  The message I sent was somewhere along the lines of, "The owner of this phone helped himself to the shelter of my car last night and left his phone in the backseat.  Please let him know that I have the found and want to return it to him."  Almost immediately the phone blew up, with texts...mostly saying "hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh ryan" (apparently his name was Ryan,) and "I have no idea who this person is."  Then I received a call from Alonzo who had just found Ryan literally minutes before (pretty sure that fool was wondering the streets of Cedar Falls for nearly four hours!) and I invited them to come pick the phone up from our house.  A few minutes later, a Volkswagen SUV pulls into our driveway and out come the two broliest of bros.  They both had ginormous studs in their ears and were clearly on steroids.  Alonzo was wearing this nasty little black tank top and Ryan smelled terrible.  It was pretty obvious Ryan was feeling extremely awkward and embarrassed about the situation (as he should have) and he awkwardly thanked me but also apologized for sleeping in my car (which still smelled like vodka.)  I gave him his phone and he informed me that it was a $700 phone and he just got it a few days beforehand and did not have insurance.  Overall, it was a satisfying interaction, although I regret not taking a photo with him to further add to his shame.

So there you have it.  Story #1.  More to come!